The Man Behind The Mask
by DazzledByTheNorthman
Summary: This story takes place directly after the events of the Season 5 Episode 2 ‘Haunted’. Emily is at a crossroads, she has a choice to make. Will it be the right choice? Will she get what she wants…what she so desperately needs?
1. Slipped, Then Was Firmly Back In Place

Criminal Minds

The Man Behind The Mask

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any book or media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: This story takes place directly after the events of the Season 5 Episode 2 'Haunted'. Emily is at a crossroads, she has a choice to make. Will it be the right choice? Will she get what she wants…what she so desperately needs?

Today has been a stressful day. It was Aaron's first day back and immediately we all instinctively knew that there was something 'off' about him. He wasn't himself. He wasn't the Aaron that we all knew. We chalked it up to the fact that he had been through a harrowing and traumatic event and had been away from the job for 34 days.

Then things deteriorated throughout the day. He snapped at Penelope implying that she hadn't done her job properly. He was abrupt with the Team. He was uncharacteristically dismissive of the local LEOs and then he told us that this situation couldn't get to the point that Foyet's investigation had.

Then his behavior went from bad to worse. Aaron broke protocol and entered an unsecured house without a vest, without a firearm and without back-up. It was at that point that we all realized that he was acting like a man who had nothing to lose; nothing to live for.

There has been no sign of Foyet and it has been 35 days since Aaron has seen his son. Every day that goes by and Foyet does not kill and expose himself to us, he continues to mock and torture Aaron. Each day without Foyet, Aaron dies a little more completely cut off from Jack.

I know that Derek thinks that Aaron came back too soon. He is worried that because Aaron feels that he has nothing left to live for that he will continue to be a maverick, a cowboy doing his own thing while flagrantly disregarding and disobeying the Bureau's rules all in the name of getting results. The results that we never got with Foyet. Every case going forward will be about Foyet and Aaron. Derek is worried about Aaron. We are all worried about Aaron.

That evening in my apartment I return to what has become my favorite pastime these past few months, I think about these two men; Derek and Aaron. I love both of these men but which one is right for me? Which one do I pursue? Which one will give me what I am looking for? Which one do I risk giving my heart to? The confirmed bachelor with the heart of gold or the quiet, divorced family man who loves his son dearly? They each have their own set of baggage, but I know that I can handle it. Can't I?

So that night, I make my choice. I go to Derek. I feel as though since he sometimes wears his emotions on his sleeve like a badge of honor that I will be able to see beneath his surface. When I ring his doorbell, the door is opened almost immediately. He doesn't look surprised to see me. Was he expecting me? Does he know how I feel about him? Does he feel something for me as well? I walk past him and he closes the door behind me.

Suddenly we are in each other's arms, kissing hungrily, our hands ripping the clothing from our bodies. I barely hear the ripping of the condom packet before he bends me over the arm of the sofa and slams into me. Our coupling is hard and fast and so _good._ After he pulls from my body, he does something that surprises me; he reverently kisses between my shoulder blades. It is tender gesture.

When I turn he is staring at me with this strange look in his eyes and I sense that he wants to say something, to show me something. He picks me up and carries me to his bedroom. I can feel that it is a big step for him, bringing me into his sanctuary. He lays me on the bed and then he proceeds to worship my body. He turns me over onto my stomach and kneads and kisses the length of my body. He flips me over and then starts at my toes and works his ways up my body, licking and kissing, avoiding my sex and my breasts; the places I am aching for him to touch the most. When he finally pulls one of my nipples into his mouth I cry out in ecstasy and relief at his touch. He spends the time relishing my breasts, tugging and chewing on the pert nipples, dragging his teeth across the hypersensitive peaks, before laving them with his tongue.

He kisses his way down my stomach and down to my sex. It is bare and completely open to him. Will he reciprocate, will he lay himself bare to me; allow me to see all of him? He descends and works me into a frenzy with his tongue and fingers, his gaze locked with mine until I climax, moaning his name.

He climbs back up my body and positions himself at my entrance, looking at me, silently asking my permission. At my nod he pushes into me, slowly, inch by inch. Soon, his length is completely sheathed in my silken embrace and we look at each other in the stillness of the bedroom in the middle of the most intimate of acts. Again, our gazes lock and I feel like I am looking into his soul. His eyes, his beautiful brown eyes, they speak volumes to everyone he has ever met. He shows his emotions in his eyes, will he let me see inside? Will he let me behind his mask? He starts to move within me and all thoughts leave my mind replaced with the pleasure that he brings moving his length in and out of me.

It has been years since I have felt this skin to skin contact, but I had to do it for him, for us. I wanted to _feel _him, to _know_ him. _All of Him. _I raise my hips to meet each of his thrusts and soon our rhythm is perfectly in harmony. Still our gazes are locked and then I see a shift in his eyes and he lowers himself, bringing his arms under my shoulders and pulling me as close to himself as possible. I wrap my legs around his waist and he speeds up his thrusts, his body pounding into me. His head is cradled in the crook of my neck my mouth is against his ear, our breaths ragged and loud as we hurtle towards our climaxes.

_Let me in, Derek. Let me be the one to see the man behind the mask._ I scream silently in my head.

Almost as if he hears me, he lifts his head and brings his lips to mine. The kiss he presses against them is like a butterfly's wing; soft, fleeting and oh so gentle.

Again our gazes lock and I watch as his lips part and then barely a whisper,

"Emily…"

There is so much behind the one sound. There is vulnerability, there is uncertainty, there is resolve, there is hope.

I smile and say, "Derek."

I inject into the one word as much encouragement as I can.

_Tell me what you need to tell me. Show me what you need to show me. Take your mask of and show me _YOU_._ I urge him silently.

The sluicing of our sweaty bodies and the slapping of our skin are the only sounds rending the air as our bodies speed up their motion; we are so close and _so close. _ He moves one of his hands from behind me and uses it to lift my left leg over his shoulder. The new position changes the angle at which he pounds into me; now he is reaching deeper than any other man has ever gone. It is my undoing, my body begins to clench around him and then I am hurtling off the edge of the cliff. My orgasm is so powerful, my body lifts to meet his, his last thrusts are deep and strong and then he climaxes with a guttural moan as my walls continue to milk him. He falls against me his head buried in my neck, spent, sated.

Minutes later when our breaths and heartbeats have quieted; he lifts his head to look down at me and I can see that the mask is back, fully in place. The moment of vulnerability is gone. I know now, that I made the wrong choice coming to him. I would not get what I came here for tonight. I will not get it _ever._ Derek will never let anyone behind his mask; because he wears this mask, not as a shield to prevent you from seeing his emotions. This mask is part of the armor he wears over his entire body to protect himself from others.

Now I truly understand him. The emotions that we see everyday are what _he is comfortable showing us_; concern, kindness, righteous indignation, anger, fierce protectiveness and the never-ending quest for justice. The deeper emotions like love, trust, vulnerability, weakness, sadness, loneliness - he will never show them to anyone if he has the choice. This is what his past has done to him. This is what Carl Buford has done to him.

I know in this moment as we stare at each other in the aftermath of our lovemaking that I will **never **see the man behind the mask. He kisses me again, softly. I see the meaning in his eyes. He knows that I understand that he will never let me in. Now he is offering me the choice. Do I want to stay, not have the man behind the mask, but be able to access more than what we see on a daily basis or do I want to leave because I need more? I know myself. I will never be satisfied with just knowing the shell of Derek Morgan; I want all of him or none of him. So for me the choice is clear. I reach up and I kiss him once on each cheek and I know he understands. He eases away from me and I feel him slip from my body. The loss is poignant because of its profound meaning to the two of us at this very moment.

"I…" he begins hesitantly, but I bring my fingers to his lips to silence him.

"I know." I say.

I do know. I know that he really wants to open up to me, but he feels that if he does he loses himself. I understand now and that is why I made my choice. I would rather have him as my friend and my colleague than have a hollow husk of a man in my bed. He rolls to the side and I rise from the bed and make my way into the living room to retrieve my clothing. He watches me dress as he leans against the sofa. The silence is heavy, suffocating, but no words need to be spoken. He pulls on his lounge pants and walks me to the door and then out to my car. As I get behind the wheel, buckle my seatbelt and turn the key in the ignition, he reaches into the open window and runs his finger along my jaw before he leans in and kisses me on the cheek.

"Drive safely." He says and I drive away.

Later as I stand in my shower washing him away, his very essence, his unique scent of honey and sandalwood, I know that I will never forget this night with him. It was the night I came so close to seeing the man behind the mask; but it was not meant to be. The Mask Slipped…Then Was Firmly Back In Place.

**A/N: **Thanks for reading. I'd appreciate it if you would take the time to review and let me know what you think of the story. Thanks!


	2. Cracked, I Can See Him

Criminal Minds

The Man Behind The Mask

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any book or media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: This story takes place directly after the events of the Season 5 Episode 2 'Haunted'. Emily is at a crossroads, she has a choice to make. Will it be the right choice? Will she get what she wants…what she so desperately needs?

I was dozing when my cell starts ringing a little after 1a.m. I look at the screen and am surprised to see that it's Aaron calling. That could only mean one thing; we had another case. I get up out of bed as I connect the call.

"Hello." I greet him, already walking across the room to pull a suit from the closet. There's no answer from the other end of the call. I listen carefully then and I can hear the shallow breathing, the slight shortness of breath.

"Emily… I need..." He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't have to; I knew that I had to go to him.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes." I assure him

"Thank you." He responds, the relief evident in his voice. I cannot imagine how much it has cost him to call me; to reach out to ask for help, for support.

We disconnect the call and soon I am dressed and walking to my car. I was pressing the buzzer to his building 17 minutes later. The answering buzz sounds and the door unlocks immediately. I make my way up the stairs and knock on his door. I watch him look through the peephole, hear him disarm the security system and then unlock the door. He looks a wreck. Obviously he hasn't slept. There are dark circles under his eyes and his hair is disheveled like he has spent the past few hours running his fingers distractedly through it. His t-shirt and pajama bottoms are rumpled and wrinkled indicating that he has probably spent the past few hours tossing and turning.

He lets me in, locks the door behind me and then re-arms the security system. When I turn back to look at him he's leaning against the door. His shoulders are slumped; he is obviously exhausted from the mental, emotional and physical strain of his first day back and the subsequent sleepless night. I squeeze his shoulder lightly and he turns to face me.

"Trouble sleeping?" I asked

He nods.

"I'm worried about you." I say tentatively.

I have to get this out of the way now. He wants to talk, we're going to talk. He sighs and walks away from me and sits on the couch, his head resting on the back and throws an arm over his eyes. I slip my feet out of my shoes and move to stand in front of him. I cross my ankles and sit on the floor in front of him. I wait him out. I know that he wants to talk. I know that he has a lot to say, but this _sharing_ is new to him. Finally he removes his arm, takes a deep breath and looks right at me showing no surprise at seeing me sitting on the floor at his feet.

"I miss Jack." He huffs out.

I make no moves, I say nothing. I wait for him to continue. With those three words, the dam breaks and he starts talking.

"I fucked up. I didn't do enough to figure out that the Unsub was Foyet all this time. I failed the profile. He came after me; he could have killed my family. He let them live, because he wants to toy with me, torture me. He took me to show me how easily he could get to me, to my family. He knows that I would send them away to protect them. I know what Foyet's going to do now; he's going to disappear for a long time or worse yet, change his MO and continue killing. Either way he'll have the satisfaction of knowing that his very existence is what is keeping me from being with my son. I did this to Jack. He will hate me for this."

He leans forward and cradles his head in his hands; his hands plowing through his hair. His anguish and frustration are almost palpable

"You didn't fuck up. There was no failure on your or the Team's part. Foyet is nothing like we've ever seen before. He is a new breed of Serial, so there was no way we could have anticipated what he would be like. But we've learned from every encounter we've had with him. We're adapting the more we learn about him and we will catch him. We will get in front of him. We are learning to anticipate his actions and we will catch him. The fact that he came here, attacked you and took you proves that he is arrogant, yes, but it also proves that he has made this personal. He has gone off script and for someone like him that will cause him to be reckless and careless and we will be there to catch him when he makes his next mistake. This time we'll be right there instead of a few steps behind like he's had us before."

I sit up on my knees now and grab his head and force him to look at me.

"We will catch him and we will get Jack back here with you where he belongs. Jack would never hate you. When he is old enough he will understand that you did it to protect him, to possibly save his life. We need you to be strong. We need you to not go off being a maverick or a cowboy. We need you as the Leader of this Team. We need you as the Leader of this Family. We need you to understand that we are all here for you. We all hurt for your loss and we are all doing the best that we can to get ahead of Foyet to ensure that we catch him soon. That is our priority."

As I held his face our gazes locked, I wanted him to see the conviction and determination in my eyes. I wanted him to be buoyed by the support that I was sending him.

"We are all here for you, we care for you, we support you. There is no pity here. We do not see weakness or failure here. There is only genuine concern for our colleague for our friend, for our family."

I lean my forehead against his. His eyes are closed now and it strikes me just then how much he looks like Jack in this very moment. Unbidden, my hand caresses the side of his face and he turns his cheek into my palm encouraging the touch. I let my other hand come to his other cheek and then run my thumbs over the dark circles under his eyes.

"You need to get some sleep." I say, my forehead still resting against his.

"I try but I can't, I'm too tense, there's too much adrenaline and my mind is constantly racing."

"Come and try." I let go of his face and stand.

He looks up at me and I reach out a hand to him and motion towards the bedroom. He stands, takes my hand and follows me to the darkened room closing and locking the door behind him. I inwardly curse at how Foyet has made him so paranoid about his security that he can't let his guard down even is his very own home protected by a top of the line security system. He gets into bed and tries to get comfortable while I sit next to him, my back against the headboard.

"Stay?" He asks as he looks at me and I nod.

I stand and doff my yoga pants and climb into the bed beside him clad in my t-shirt and panties. He turns on his side facing away from me and I wait. I wait to hear his breathing even and deepen. I wait to see his body relax, but none of those things happen. I turn onto my side facing his back and reach up and begin running my hands through his hair. He initially tenses at my touch, but I feel him relax and I hear him sigh. I close my own eyes and lose myself in the repetitive nature of the task that I am performing.

After a short while he turns to face me; the mask slips, the mask cracks and falls away. The usually stoic face crumbles and convulses with the force of the emotions that are threatening to overwhelm his body. I hold him tightly to me as the catharsis he has desperately needed wracks his body. I hold him to my breast and soothe him, I am here for him. I want him to understand that he is not alone. I continue to hold and soothe him even after he is spent and his body relaxes into a drained lethargy; his breathing even and deep. My t-shirt is wet with his tears. I believe that he has fallen asleep and content myself with just holding him for the rest of the night. As I continue to run my fingers through his hair and against his scalp, I feel the deep breath he takes and then expels in a contented sigh. I smile to myself, knowing that he is at least soothed in his slumber. But he surprises me when he leans back and looks up at me. The Aaron that stares back at me is not the man that I know or see on a regular basis. This man before me is emotionally wounded, damaged, and vulnerable.

"I…" he begins hesitantly, but I bring my fingers to his lips to silence him.

"I know." I say.

I do know. I know that he is the one. I also know that there is a lot that he needs to do as part of his healing and dealing with being away from his son. I know all of this because The Mask Has Cracked…I Can See Him, I see Aaron; the man behind the mask. I thought that I would feel wild joy and elation at this moment, but all I feel is gratitude and hope. Gratitude that he has allowed me to see the real him and hope at the promise of a future for us that I see in his eyes. I move towards him and he meets me and our lips connect in a soft slow kiss and then he draws me to him holding me tightly against him.

"You are not alone, Aaron." I say softly into his ear.

I feel him exhale, his body relax against me and then another strong hug and I feel it then from him; gratitude and hope. I know then that he is _with_ me, we are in _this_ together. Me and The Man Behind The Mask.

The End

**A/N: **Thanks for reading. I'd appreciate it if you would take the time to review and let me know what you think of the story. Thanks!


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